Off the subject

Today is day 1 of the "fat fast" which I am doing to try to lose my last few lbs. Usually I lose about 2lbs a day doing the fat fast. Of course, it's just water weight, but it's still effective. Well anyway, Target has this White Chocolate Peanut Butter. And all I can think of is when I'm done with this weeks' shoots, I'm going to binge like crazy on a jar of it. How pathetic is it that I actually plan to binge? I can keep myself moderately contained, as long as the promise of a binge is there. Recently I discovered that bulimia is the reason for the 'chubby cheek' look and that it can slow down your metabolism. But when you eat 5000 calories in one sitting, how can vomiting be worse than letting it sit there in your stomach?

I don't know.... I just don't know anymore.

I often wonder what life without an eating disorder is like.

I'm fully booked this week. Maybe that will keep my mind off eating.